Here is a cute email:

Richard McCauley
12/04/03 10:57 AM

To: Keith McCauley/MazakCorp
cc:
Subject: Ze New Kalifornia Language


Keith

This combined with a little Kentucky accent should work quite well.
The California Governor-Elect has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the state, rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, The
Terminator's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known
as "Austro-English" (or, perhaps even better, "Austrionics".)

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of
the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less
letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the
silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with
"z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou"
and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.


Claudia D. Dikinis
http://starcats.com
Political & Personal Astrology for a New Millennium

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